5 Tips for Processing an Unexpected Diagnosis
Receiving an unexpected diagnosis (of anything) is probably at the top of the list of things that can be life-changing and sometimes traumatic. Even if it was something expected, or something you knew could happen, hearing the words “your child has Down syndrome” is often a moment that parents remember with complete clarity for years.
I’ll be the first to admit that I did NOT handle Luke’s diagnosis very well. It threw me for a loop, it shook me to my core, it caused me to doubt all of the things that I believed were good in the world, and honestly it made me doubt the goodness of God. On top of dealing with crushing postpartum anxiety, there were many days that I cried wondering how my life would ever be “normal” again and what that new normal would even look like.
For all of you who are reading this and also processing a DS diagnosis — depending on your previous experience with individuals who have Down syndrome, your loved one’s diagnosis may or may not be a scary thing. However it is that you’re feeling, I just want you to know that it’s okay. Whether its fear, doubt, anxiety, worry, panic, devastation, disappointment, shock, anything else you can think of… how you feel in this moment is okay.
While there is no tried and true way to process a diagnosis, I can share a few simple tips that worked well for me and helped me come to a place of acceptance and understanding, and I pray that they help you too.
Give yourself grace for your emotions, and allow yourself to fully feel everything as it comes. Stuffing your emotions down, whatever they may be, will only give you more difficulty down the road if you have not allowed yourself to process and react.
Share your emotions, thoughts, and reactions with a trusted group of friends or family, and/or elect to speak with a counselor. Having a safe sounding board of people, who you love and trust, will further help you process everything you’re experiencing and allows them to provide emotional support so you don’t feel isolated and alone.
Take steps to educate yourself and learn about Down syndrome in your own time. For some, you may want to dive head first into learning everything there is about Down syndrome and all the potential implications it has for your child. For others, the information overload is exhausting, overwhelming, and scary. Educate yourself in a way that works for you, and if you begin to feel overwhelmed remember that it is okay to take a step back, you do not have to know everything there is right away.
Remember to prioritize your mental health. If you realize that you are experiencing symptoms of anxiety and depression as you process the diagnosis, seek help. Your mental health is priority and there is no shame in asking for professional help as you adjust to something so unexpected.
Enjoy your pregnancy, and your baby. If your diagnosis is a prenatal one, try not to let it consume your entire pregnancy. Take time to appreciate the human life that is about to come and still enjoy all of the baby preparations. If you were given a birth diagnosis, remember to enjoy your baby while they are little. The time they are newborns is fleeting, and while it is true that your baby may have Down syndrome, they are your baby first.
To all who are reading this and processing a diagnosis of Down syndrome for your child or loved one, remember that you are not alone. The variety of emotions you are feeling and thoughts you are having have all been felt and thought before. Give yourself grace. When you are ready, check out our resources page to find and connect with some local resources and organizations who can help you and get you in touch with support in your area. You can also connect with us, at Shout Your Worth, on Instagram and Facebook.
As a sweet, fellow DS mama once said to me “your family life is going to be everything you have always dreamt and prayed about”.
If you are struggling with anxiety or depression, please seek help. Click here to see a list of resources for mental health support.